Friday, November 16, 2007

Just so everyone knows that it isn't just Americans....

A few Russian doomsday nutcases have holed themselves up in a cave in central Russia. Something akin to what we in the US hear from time to time from places like Montana or Idaho. Sad, really.

These people are claiming Christianity as their cause, and many of our own end-of-the-world cults do, too. I've always wondered why they think that they are exempt from the statement: "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Mark 13:32 (NIV) If they are true believers, they should know that they are clueless about the end of the world, and they are commanded to "keep watch" as a faithful servant. I don't call quiting life and living in a cave exactly "keeping watch".

If they would just read instead of getting all worked up, they could save themselves a lot of grief.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

November 1 - The Taxman Cometh!

"What?", I hear you ask. "April 15 is the day of taxation, not November 1."

Au Contraire.

November 1 is the primary collection day for the Official Parental Chocolate Tax. To wit:

Parental Rights and Values Writ, Section 44, Section 2, Paragraphs iii and iv:

"And for every amount of sugar-laden treats, candies, cakes, cookies or dishes acquired by children for being children whether at Christmas time, birthdays, Halloween or other such occasion that the child will be bestowed with aforementioned goodies, each parent will be allowed to consume as much candy or other sweets in the amount necessary to sate their own sweet tooth and/or limit ingestion by children so as to stave off obesity, tooth decay, diabetic shock or excessive sugar rush. At no time shall any child win any argument to retain any morsel that they deem superior nor shall they say "STOP DAD! THAT'S MY LAST CRUNCH BAR!!!" and get any sympathy from either parent.

Furthermore, this levy (known as "Chocolate Tax") may be exacted at any time or place without regard to whether the child has availed himself/herself of the stash in a timely manner. That is, the argument, "I WAS SAVING THAT!!!" is meaningless under this statute. Of course, for maximum effectiveness, specific dates such as November 1, December 25 (afternoon collection) and February 15 should be observed with vigilance."

So, tell the kids to let go of the Crunch bar. It's yours. By law.